Sunday best ♥

Sitting in my cosy little room watching Where The Wild Things Are on dvd and drinking my 4th cup of tea of the day… I thought it was time for sunday best, I haven’t had a chance to do one of these in a while 🙂 I promise this one will be somewhat more cheerful than my last post! (Ps, thank you for all the kind words and support, you guys are the best)

Over summer I am determined to get my craft on. I have a list of projects I’m desperate to do, and quite a few ideas for some cross stitching and embroidery! I’m thinking as well as reading books on mine and Davids long inter rail journeys across europe, I could easily cross stitch to my hearts content! So, off to Hobbicraft I went (if you haven’t been here, you need to go… it is amazing!) I was in absolute heaven. The biggest art store I have ever been in, it has two floors and I was literally drooling at the mouth walking along the aisles haha. Poor David got dragged along – I secretly think he quite enjoyed it. We spent about half an hour wandering around having a giggle and eventually I left with this:

A 36 pack of embroidary floss, tapestry needles, cross stitch fabric and two wooden hoops.
My epic craft plan while travelling may fail miserably, but if I do get to stitch quite a few pieces then when I come back I might give a few of them away to some of you lovelies to celebrate my nearly 300 followers 🙂

Remember the Made In The Shade craft classes I did last december? I would really urge everyone to support their local indie designers and craft scene, wether its via folksy or etsy or even blogger.

Okay, so… on to the serious stuff now. I will admit my head has been up my arse a bit for the past couple of months. Turning 21 was absolutely epic and I could not have wished for a more special day. Once the ‘birthday buzz’ wore off, the reality of uni and work creeped back into my life. I got my final results back from uni, and even though I am graduating with a BA degree, we don’t get a first or 2.1, or anything like that. So really it’s just pass or fail, and we get a breakdown of individual percentages for each module and aspect of our final year. I was pleased with my results, the highest % I got was 87 and that was for my dissartation so thats all good! For my work placement, management role, etc etc I got all between 70% and %85 so I really can’t complain there.

Ironically enough, the lowest mark I got was for my ‘practical skills’. Ye know, the ACTUAL stuff I’ve been doing for the past three years. The ‘talent’ or ‘thing’ thats meant to make me a successful professional and ultimately get me a job. But its a bit of a catch 22 situation – I freaked out with this low grade, ultimately feeling well who cares if Im organised, or have a good attitude, or have recieved great feedback from employers. Surely if my practical skills arent the strongest after 3 years, then thats not a good thing?

So of course I spoke to my tutor, cried a bit, felt sorry for myself… whatever you’d expect from a ‘pmt and about to graduate and my car got smashed up last night’ negative frame of mind. And he said I hadn’t been around enough since panto (my management role last december) for me to produce big enough work for me to push my skills and them therefore assess me on it. I have been mostly out for the past 6 month, working at the beeb and for cbbc, on a feature film and a few other bits here and there. I have met the contacts and the designer who has given me my Art Director job on the Weakest Link starting in august. So why am I complaining? Id got so caught up on what was on that piece of paper rather than was slap bang in front of me. I’ll stop for a minute and ask if yous get what I’m saying here? I couldnt have the best of both worlds, the tutors couldnt mark me on my practical skills fairly if I was never there. What should I be more bothered about, a number on that piece of paper, or the fact that I’ve made sacrafices, put myself out there and managed to get a job out of it. I know Im being stupid and selfish, but I’ve been having this interal battle in my brain for the whole week.

I pushed myself further away from the other three scenic artists in my year, by being out of uni so much on different work placements and paid jobs. My career began to take a different shape and go down a separate path for film and tv rather than theatre. I want to graduate on tuesday feeling like I’m not the black sheep that has let anyone down. It just goes to show that no matter how much you plan for your future, fate can whisk you off in another direction. Even though this change of winds seems to have been the best one for me, I’m still coming to terms with adjusting my sails, with no regrets of how the past 3 years at uni have panned out. Were encouraged to reflect alot at uni, and do reflective essays at the end of every term (this can be a bloody nightmare, when you dont feel like talking about your emotions or hopes and fears) One bit of feedback that pissed me off, was the fact that after I established I had got my confidence back and felt excited about the future… my summary appeared to be ‘more of a list of achivements’ rather than focusing on what gaps exist in my learning.

This is where you will never win when it comes to that kind of reflection. Its always someones opinion versus your opinion, never mind facts or figures or formalities like that. This was the kinda ‘life coaching’ we got alongside our coursework to help us with our professional practise and goal making. All it did for me was made me over analytical, worried about everything, and my doctor put me on medication for anxiety which I am still taking just now. I hate to be bitter, but thanks alot dearest uni!

If you have read my rant this far, then well done 🙂 This is probs the very last uni related post I’ll be writing, so I think I’m entitled to somewhat reflect on my experience 😉 Anyhoo, I totally forgot that graduation means formal attire! AHHH! this is not my middle name. Infact, I have not rocked the formal look in like… forever! So a shopping trip was in order. Heres the little tailored dress I’m wearing for my ceremony during the day, underneath my gown, and then at lunch after.

Going to team this one up with some dark purple and black heels from Topshop which I bought for a wedding many moons ago, and two (yes two!) pairs of black tights. Could not find 100 denier anywhere, so a 40 small and a 40 medium pair on top, from primark, will do nicely 🙂 I’ll be sure to share the oh so cheesy pics from the day with my attractive gown and cape on! Haha so if I dont speak to y’all before then… wish me luck ♥

Apart from running to and from the beeb this week, I also got to finish off a wee painting I was doing for jenn. I really shouldn’t be mentioning work related stuff too much on here, so if you ever want to have a nosy at my cv or portfolio then check out www.aydenmillar.com 🙂 I’d love some feedback!

Guess who? Hope jenn don’t see this before I hand it over!

My tutor Gary was doing this amazing painting in the last week of term. Isn’t he talented?!

This is a polaroid of me a little less than 3 years ago before I started at the academy. I know between 18-21 we change a lot as individuals anyways. But I feel like this place has really changed me too. At times for the worse but I know now it has all been for the better. I couldnt have gotten through this epic journey without the help of my friends and family. And kind feedback from all you fellow bloggers has been so much appreciated, so a big thank you to all my readers too ♥ I’m going to end this post by saying if you are staying in tonight, then you gotta watch Be Kind, Rewind on channel 5 (?) at 9pm. It is a bloody amazing film!

And lastly, my favourite quote which has been keeping my sanity for a very long time now…